For my birthday I had one request for my family: take me to the seashore! I also had a birthday request for God, but he knew my desire without me asking again. I had been like a persistent child, asking for years. I could sense the Lord’s smile when I thought about babies coming into our home in the very near future. I didn’t know when, but the Lord had permission to surprise me. He’s the only one I enjoy surprises from.

{To listen to an audio recording of the following blog post, click here.}

As I stepped out of the car at our beach bungalow rental, I felt the sea air and simultaneously, the presence of God. The two have become almost interchangeable to me, the Spirit and the sea breeze. We built sand castles, dodged waves, and spoiled our supper with huge ice cream cones. My parents joined us in time for dinner, a sunset stroll on the beach and card games before bed.

On my birthday, I woke up with one thought: escape. I felt the familiar magnetic pull to the seashore. I stepped carefully down creaky stairs, trying not to wake up the kids, only to discover that they were already awake watching Bluey on the couch with my husband. Usually I would complain about the TV being on so early in the morning, but this was vacation and I have fond memories of watching early morning cartoons as a child at my Grandma’s beach house. 

I caught one scene with them and laughed at the relatability. When Dad comes home from work, Mum declares, “I need 20 minutes where no one comes near me.” I’m pretty sure I’ve said those exact words. “If I’m Mum you can be Dud!” I said to Michael not meaning it as an insult and then laughing at myself when it came out as one. It’s funny because he is anything but a dud of a dad. 

I whispered a prayer of gratitude for this wonderful man and my two beautiful children as I stepped into the kitchen. I made coffee and thanked myself for picking up croissants from La Provence yesterday. I grabbed one on my way out the door along with my journal and my freshly brewed cup of coffee. Happy Birthday to me. 

My pioneering spirit couldn’t help but hit the trails as soon as I arrived at Cape Disappointment State Park, despite my poor shoe choice. It wasn’t my first time hiking in flip flops and I’m sure it won’t be my last. I walked with tears streaming down my face while the Lord whispered promises and prophetic pictures to me. 

Most often when God speaks a prophetic word to me, it’s like a single flare signaling that I’m headed in the right direction. But today, on my 32nd birthday, when God began speaking, it was not like a flare. It was like fireworks. Word after word, confirmation after confirmation, connection after connection came in as quickly as the tide in Dead Man’s Cove. It felt like the climax of a great novel.

Everything God spoke to me pointed to one promise about to be fulfilled. I was infused with faith that this was the week our family would finally grow. 

We officially received our foster license three weeks prior. This was a new direction after a year and a half spent trying to adopt domestically. We got four calls for kids in our age range on the first day, but we couldn’t take any of them because the State requested that we put our dog (who was suffering with dementia and occasionally lashed out) down first. We expected the calls to keep flooding in once we had properly grieved our dog and were ready to take a placement. But they didn’t. 

If I’m honest, it felt like another false start in a track record of consecutive false starts. Did we miss our chance? Four calls in the first day and then nothing. I’ve dreamed of caring for vulnerable children since I was a child myself. The need is so great and so few are willing to step into the work of caring for vulnerable families, yet here we were more than willing, wanting! Hoping! It felt like God had benched us.

I had been wrestling with the Lord, caught in the tension of another delay. But after encountering him on these ocean cliffs, my spirit was revived. If a baby didn’t come into our home within a week, I would be shocked.

I passed a sign that read, “Leaving Cape Disappointment” (so named for its history of shipwrecks), as the song “Burn the Ship” by For King and Country played, “Step into a new day!” I had every intention of doing just that while leaving behind all my disappointment from delayed promises and unexpected detours. 

I returned to our beach bungalow to find apple cider pancakes, eggs, bacon burnt just how I like it, a gorgeous bouquet from a local florist and birthday presents waiting. My sister and her kids showed up to join the fun. At this point the day couldn’t get any better!  

After breakfast we headed down to the beach so Papa could launch a rocket with the grandkids. 3…2…1…. …… Nothing. Let’s try that again!  3….2…1…. Nothing. The rocket launch was delayed numerous times due to technical difficulties. When it finally did launch, I was distracted and nearly missed it. This is exactly what the false starts we’ve encountered on our adoption and foster care journey have felt like. But the rocket eventually launched and I was still full of hope that God was about to launch us into the world of foster care without any more delays. 

We explored a lighthouse, ate tacos, swam in tide pools and played mini golf. Our day ended with a lovely dinner at the Shelbourne hotel before heading home from a practically perfect getaway. 

We returned in 98 degree heat to find our air conditioner broken. Michael spent hours trying to fix it while I tried to sleep. I couldn’t. The heat and the free birthday latte I drank on the drive home were undoubtedly to blame. Just before midnight, my phone buzzed with a notification from After Hours Region Six. Five kids had just been taken into protective custody. It was one of the girls’ birthdays, the same as mine. I couldn’t imagine being ripped away from my family on my birthday.

My heart ached for them. I wanted to take all five of them so they could stay together. Michael reminded me that we are only licensed for three children. He said we could take the younger two if they had not been placed by tomorrow. I hardly slept, praying with each toss and turn throughout the night. 

On Mother’s Day, I found out that they had split up the siblings to find homes that would take them, an all too common outcome. They had placed the younger children but not the older two. We weren’t planning on taking kids older than Finn and Lucy, but at this moment I didn’t care about our plan. I wanted to take them, but Michael wanted to wait and stick to our age range.

I wrestled with God throughout the day. These were more children I attached myself to in prayer that I would never meet. It felt like God was teasing me with the swirl of prophetic promises he had spoken to me the day before. As I processed my emotions with my sister on the phone, it hit me that this was another test. 

Jeremiah Johnson says, “Many powerful prophetic words are followed by painful seasons of trial and testing. Failure to understand this biblical principle will leave you disillusioned with prophetic ministry, upset with God and misunderstanding the timing of God.”

This was another (in a long line of) character tests just like Joseph and so many others in the Bible went through. Like it says in Psalm 105:19, “Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the LORD tested Joseph’s character.” I felt the Spirit say, “One last test.” I was infused with hope again. 

God tests us not to see if we are good enough, but to see if we will believe the truth about ourselves, God, others and our circumstances in the midst of emotional pressure. The test is to see if we will hold onto the truth and surrender to our good Father. Can we trust him when circumstances are painful and don’t make sense? Will we hold onto his promises when we keep facing obstacles and delays? 

This ended up being my final exam in the life class, ‘Preparation for For Foster Care 101’ taught by the Holy Spirit. I’m still an amateur with much field experience in classes 201, 301 and 401 still to be completed, but God faithfully prepared us for this step in our foster care journey. 

This ended up being my final exam in the life class, ‘Preparation for For Foster Care 101’ taught by the Holy Spirit. I’m still an amateur with much field experience in classes 201, 301, 401 and so on still to be completed, but God faithfully prepared us for this step in our foster care journey. 

Just three days later we welcomed our first foster placement into our family  and our lives were forever changed.