“This feels like a punishment,” I whispered to the Lord through tears. We had just received another email that said, “Your family was not selected to present.” We’ve gotten this email plenty of times before, but this situation was particularly painful for a few reasons.

When we read through this expectant mother’s profile Michael, and I felt an immediate connection to her. Usually we do not play out the scenarios in our head of what it would be like to match, but because of the timing of this particular case with our upcoming move, we had to thoroughly consider the outcome if we were chosen. Could we get a home study update done in time to travel to get the baby? Would we have time to unpack enough to pass our safety inspection? Is our family available to help as much as we would need? We considered the outcomes and got excited at the possibility of meeting this mom and baby next month. 

Then we find out that this mama, who we’ve grown to love, won’t even get to read the letter we wrote her and decide for herself if our family could be what she’s looking for. The attorneys decided not to present us even though we matched her preferences better than we have any other situation. That stung.

In every moment of grief on this adoption journey, God has peeled off another layer of lies I am believing to heal deeper parts of my heart. 

While tears ran down my cheek the Holy Spirit whispered exactly what I needed to hear, 

“Waiting is not punishment, it’s preparation for your protection.” 

Jesus took me back to the points in my life where I first believed the lie that having to wait was a form of punishment. Time outs, grounding and detention are all societal norms that teach us that having to wait is a punishment for not being good enough. Many of us subconsciously apply this to our relationship with God. 

This misunderstanding of the Father’s heart can be detrimental to our faith. God never punishes us for not being good enough, and the blessings he gives us can never be earned. He delights in giving undeserved gifts to his children. When he has us wait it is always for our benefit. 

Once I confronted this lie I had to face the fear that people could keep me from my promise. It felt like the attorneys who decided not to present us were preventing us from matching with this expectant mother. But that isn’t the truth. We know that God is sovereign over every detail in our story and that includes the decision of these attorneys. 

One of the most common fears is the fear that people will control our future. This fear is rooted in a lie. Destiny is not an inevitability, but people cannot keep us from our promise. The only thing that can keep us from fulfilling our destiny is believing the lies that Satan deceives us with and not trusting completely in God’s plan. 

Our destiny is a journey of identity not a destination to arrive at. I’m learning that God cares a whole lot more about who we are becoming than where we are going or when we will get there.

God does not separate himself from us in seasons of waiting; He draws us closer. The God of the universe waits with us. He carries our grief, our hopes, and the longing of our hearts. He is patient and kind and delivers his promise right on time.  He’s found in the waiting and his presence is the greatest reward. 

“Find your delight and true pleasure in Yahweh, and he will give you what you desire the most. Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust him along the way, you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly!” – Psalm 37:4-5 TBT